Its Okay Not To Feel Okay

How are we today?

The amazing legendary YouTube comedy icon, Glozell Green will say " Is you okay?"

Most will likely answer "Grand".

But more than often the spoken answer doesn't reflect the true feeling, deep down heart broken, crying,screaming or raging.

We probably compelled to say grand because thats what the one asking expected to hear.

Its like its not normal for people saying ' am not feeling well' ' am going through some stuff'' am down" or am not ok'.

Some asking' how are you?' just for the sake of conversation.

I blew up myself once or twice knowing well the question was insincere.

To me honesty is always the best policy if we didn’t mean it then just leave it like that.

Ask like we meant it, like we do care and that’s could make somebody’ day .

Let's talk about mental health.

Very significant very prevalence but under reported, not cool due to stigma around it.

Everybody have their battles and struggles even if they are not visible.

Most of us are actors , good at selling an image or persona.

Or maybe forced to do so.

Some say the one laughing the most is also the one suffering the most.

How long can you keep up with the show?

Relax,the version of you only exists in your very mind and others have different versions of you.

Who would have thought that we would lost Robin Williams due to suicide.

Some just better at hiding them than the others and majority suffer in silence.

Tragic but thats the hard reality.

Very concerning US data from CDC,

In the US alone, about 13 millions people are suicidal.

About 4 millions are actively suicidal.

About 2 millions attempted suicide

1 suicide death every minute .

Imagine losing an angel every minute.

In 2022, the irish data showed 79% of suicide were male and 21% female.

Number of suicide /100k decreased slightly from 13.5 in 2001 to 10 in 2020.

Data from William Institute( UCLA), compared to general population, LGBTQ individuals are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression 46% vs 16%.

From my own medical class of 2010- We lost at least 2 angels to suicide.

Devastating to say the least.

I was heavily bullied at boarding school when was 16.

I never experienced anything like that, why would people bully others for their differences?

Why my mere existence upset and irritated you so much?

Why you hated me ?

Why can’t we be nice?

I was just the average quiet skinny new student who just wanted to study like others.

It is true that, one's real character is reflected by how he/she treat the weak, the vulnerables the one who is powerless against him.

I fantasied to bomb the boarding school every single day and end it all together.

I didn't have the capacity but the recurrent prolonged recurrent thoughts reflected how depressed i was.

I was mad lol.

It took me a while before I got over it.

but left me with a lots of hidden bruises and scars.

Low self esteem, people pleasing, you name it.

but on the positive side it made me resilience.

but for many others, sadly they lost or losing their battles.

Mental health issue is not something we comfortable talking about openly.

Let's normalise open discussion and talk about mental health.

Am sure its not normal if we always happy as alots of things in life are beyond our control.

We make a living out of a system meant to fail us.

Honest hard working people are usually abused and consumed by the system and when we are broken ie depressed, the blame is on us.

We are labelled as weak, nuisance or lazy.

We are thought we didn't do enough.

Thrown out and replaced like we didn't matter.

From the very beginning we told and reminded we must work very hard to earn living.

" Work hard play hard" is the mantra- Let see how long you will last.

We asked to serve and deliver again and again but nobody really cared about our well being.

The lazy the all talks sneaky one somehow rewarded handsomely in this fair world.

And being nice becomes liability.

Some believe emotions reside in your soul which is our true self instead of the person you identifying as at present.

The negative emotions , depression and anxiety as the call from your soul to remember who you truly are.

So listen closely and look deeper inside.

It was busier than usual Saturday morning yesterday, i saw many rushing to work.

I cant help saying to myself that these are usually some of the hardest working people around but sadly they probably only get paid peanut despite being overworked.

A saying hit me deep," The world eat the good people and forget their names"

It’s okay, we don’t have to be so strong for so long

It's ok to stop take a break and asking for help.

Power to you for switching off and taking a break from the world.

Power to you for putting yourself first.

Power to you for choosing you .

How can we do better collectively going forward.

1. Acknowledging that everybody have their own struggles which will lead to greater empathy and compassion.

2. Creating safe space where vulnerability is welcomed where people are comfortable to break their wall, which lead to healing and better understanding.,

3. Encouraging authenticity- Its okay to have up and down. Its very important to be authentic and honest to one's own feelings.

4. Normalizing conversations about mental health

5. Highlighting available supports- local services, online resources or peer support groups.Encourage friendships and support networks in the community.

6. Mental health educations and coping strategies that might help

7. Self care- Via exercises, meditation,hobbies or simply taking a break.

   Recommendations above provided by AI.

   All very sensible and would be great if achieved

   However man being man, very unlikely to discuss mental health openly.

   American data showed more than 30% accounted societal pressures as the main reason.

   The scary thing is men are alot more likely to commit impulsive suicides compared to women, meaning they acted on the suicide thought right away .

   Some hope on the horizon though as more than 50% of men agreed the need to have open discussion about mental health.

   I think many people don't like to be told what to do but rather wanted our presence when they fighting their demons, knowing that they are not alone not forgotten.

From spirituality end, these might be of help

• Mindfulness- To be present in the moments, leading to greater awareness of our thoughts and feelings , allowing us to. understand and respond to it with compassion.

• Being present and accepting life as it is reduce stress and anxiety.

• Emotional regulation- Detaching from overwhelming emotions but acknowleging them , helping us to gain control over how we react. It encourages healthier relationship with our feelings, allows us to feel them without being consumed.

• Improved resilience.- Mindfulness foster resilience by helping us accept challenges and changes as part of life ,leading to adaptable mindset when facing difficulties in the future.

• Embracing life as it is without to change it immediately leading to greater peace and contentment.

  
  

A saying goes something like this " In case we cannot see the path because its pitch black then take a foot at a time"

but we certainly can do better- Share our light and walk with them.

There was a story of a lady carrying buckets of water.

One bucket is new and perfect, no leak, not a drop of water lost.

The second bucket is old, cracked here and there and sadly leaking.

As the journey from the well to the lady's home is pretty far, at the end only some water left in the old leaking second bucket.

One day, the leaking bucket apologised to the lady saying he is useless and wasted her hard work.

After a while , the lady smiled and said, look behind you .

The side of the road on the left is booming with plants and flowers while the other side is all barren.

Most of us are the broken leaking bucket.

We still matter and important even when we at times unable to appreciate it.

There is no accompanying picture for this writing as a remembrance to those lost to suicide.