The Roads Taken
- theraccoonarmy
- May 12
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 26
I finished my primary school with commendable UPSR( equivalent to junior cert) result, 3As and 2 Bs out of 5 compulsory subject taken. Dad wasn’t too impressed comparing my brain to prawn’s. I moved then to standard secondary/high school . My turning point probably when I was in form 2 , I wanted a change wanted to do very well in exam. I started putting the hard work and I prayed daily that I will be just as smart like other students. Every single nights i asked god to make me clever.I read everything from textbooks to dictionary page by page and memorised them.
The hours done started paying off, from the average , my class ranking catapulted to among the top scorers and in form 3 ,there was no competition, I was the best student , I scored perfect 8As with 2 other students. Nobody in my family expected that, we were so used to not doing well in school , pass fail was the norm but I showed them am the living example,I fought and am winning.
My joy unfortunately was short lived . All dramatically changed for the worst when i went to boarding school in the northern part of the country , 3 hours bus ride away with 4 cumbersome interchanges. In Malaysia, if you do well in exam you get the opportunity to study in these highly sought after prestigious well respected boarding schools . Students tend to do very well in these schools but boarding schools come with a very well known price, the bullying.
Bullying was common back then but not top the extreme of causing serious harms or death to others like what happened nowadays in Malaysia.
A very sad reality and this has to stop for good.
Bullying is a nightmare and for me unfortunately, it was one way entry because we were poor. That was the hardest time in my life ever, that 16 year old of me suffered the most, heavily bullied . As a poor , effeminate, socially awkward new student I was the easy clear target, the bulleyes! The bullying was mainly verbal but it affected me just as much or even harder. Before Rihanna , there was me, I was ‘ the forehead ‘ the flower horn fish because of my larger than life forehead . My thinning hair and oily complexion made it worst. In the very hot humid weather,I was shinning like the sun . The bullies will scream and close their eyes like I was blinding them.Some also called me ‘ Amon Ra’ the sun god but of course in hurtful degaratory manner.
I failed to adapt to new life miserably, life was hectic mainly revolved around morning, afternoon, night classes and the prayer hall. Again, I was pretty much by myself. I kept everything private because I had nobody to talk to.Neither family nor friend. That was my normal and I i didn't really have much choice.
Besides the endless studies, we were heavily bombarded with a lots of religious activities Plenty of early morning , compulsory evening group prayers and Quran recitations round the clock.
The naugthy bad students remained unchanged despite the intensive religious education given.
The stern wardens will honked and chased us around 0530-0600 for morning prayer.
One time i got loud smack on my back because i fall asleep after evening prayer.
Wasnt painful but surely embarrassing.
To the contrary , life surely full of surprises, many years down the line I become sceptical on religions - all of them.
I was very stressed or even considered myself depressed. Every single day, I imagined myself bombing the whole school, all of them. Shocking I know but the dark thoughts lingered for sometime . I was the Fukujima and Chernobyl combined. When I asked my dad I wanted out , he gave me cold shoulders saying my sister already spent so much money on me and leaving the boarding school was not an option. They let me down, I offloaded my feelings into diary hoping to ease the pain and to some degree it somehow did. There was a sketch in the diary, a caged sad little bird, me.
I avoided the bullies whenever possible, I studied in the library and in the class I will just put on deaf ears , I painted a smile if I could now and then . Over time , the bullying started to fade , and eventually they just banters to me. That version of me holding the forth like it was the last battle. I owed him so much, whatever comes my way now or in the future , I forbid myself from letting him down.
If i could go back in time I will hug him like there is no tomorrow.
I somehow remained excellent in academic. Memorising facts was easy and our education system paraded on this heavily. When I started working as intern or junior doctor, I learnt again mostly on the job, and those many facts that kept me up late all night were pretty much gone in no time.
Poor myself for having to memorise those junks for years just for the sake of exam.A system which emphasise on critical thinking is the way forward ,to question and to reason everything and anything again and again.
A very powerful man from very powerful family in the world once said, "We don't want nation of thinkers we want nation of workers"
Give that a little thought.
I finished high school well enough to secure government scholarship worth over a million ringgit( roughly 200k euros) to study medicine in Ireland. That was the first time myself being on the plane to London from KL and then to Dublin.This was beyond my wildest dream.The impossible now seems possible.
Looking back, i must say life at boarding school was painfully tough but at the same time it was priceless, a very good learning pot.
I just wished that i had been more supported by my family but i acknowledged our circumstances. They done as much as they could.
What do i do if i met those bullies?
We probably just laugh it off as i have no resentment or bad feeling left.
I will ask them to call me those names again so i can laugh my ass off.
Am healed.
