A little notes to myself.

Today i was out most of the day, i went to both Stephen Green park and St Patrick's Park twice each.

They are pretty closed to each other and I stayed at the one less busy.

The weather was excellent, pretty much sunny all day and the afternoon was even better proper hot hot summer.

A complete change compared to mostly wet rainy pride day yesterday.

Anywhere in Ireland is great when its sunny, people are happy, people go out and do thing.

Some seagulls couldn't cope with the heat and fighting over the main fountain in the park where many taking a dip.

I wasnt bored for sure it just this feeling it such a waste staying in when its really sunny outside.

As many would agree, if you lucky you can have all the seasons in single day here in Ireland so better to enjoy the hot summer day till it last.

Back then , the weather only good when i was working and that was usually Monday.

Heartbreaking.

I have achieved so much since i started my journey almost 2 months ago.

Leaving behind my addiction is the 2nd biggest thing ever in my life, first is of course finding god, always.

If you were or a living addict then you know how mammoth of a task it is to come clean.

I remember praying to god saying desperately i needed help because this one is very hard for me and god kindly granted my wish, making it possible and been guiding me all along.

I made a surprise visit to see my friends on Saturday, just out of sudden i got the urge to come to their place. I was there last in December for Christmas dinner where we had fun over the top karaoke session on drugs.

We did most millennial hits songs.

A good friend claimed he can only reached those high notes when he’s high .

They did smoke a bit when I was there. They seemed lil awkward because am no longer doing same.

I brought some muffins and plum wine instead for myself.

The experience was surprisingly okay, i stayed there watching TV having bit of food and mostly banter with them.

My joy was i didnt get the urge to smoke there or when i went home.

I learnt my lessons and i simply cannot do that to myself again.

I actually went straight to gym after that and on the way i stopped for the pride parade.

I did 125kg squats today as well , something I have not done for years without anabolic.

While many still partying or recovering post pride, i was among the first in the gym this morning.

So am very proud of myself and today i just want to remind myself again and have it written down here.

At times. we overlooked the small victories and too fixated on the end result.

i came accross 3 situations as well:

1. A pigeon landed near me as i was walking in town. He lost a foot i noticed , must be the tied foot syndrome, automatically i felt sorry for the bird. I had no food with me that i can offer unfortunately but it seems the bird was doing fine despite the disability.

2. As am about to reach home, i saw a partially blind man walking with his stick. As much as i wanted to help i just ended up watching him making his way on his own.

   Yes he struggled but he was able to cross the road( no traffic light), so i assumed he does have some sort of vision. Otherwise, why would he be taking the journey alone.

3. A girl walking on side walk with 2 big luggage bags and 1 small cabin bag. She was overwhelmed and at times lost her grip on the bags.

   I didnt offer hand but simply walked slowly behind her so she had a bit of time.

   
   

   I reflected on the above

   The universe must be testing me to see how my responses would be.

   -Not so much worry about the pigeon, yes i sympathised but at that moment not much i can do.

   -For the partially blind man, i could probably offer help, maybe walking him to wherever he needed to go or if far maybe getting him a taxi.

   -For the girl , i could offer to carry one of her bag or ask her if she would like a taxi.

   I also reminded myself yes i could have acted better but if i was meant to help them , it would have happened.

   I promised myself to do better next time.

   I will still be me tho, using my discretion, because if i were to do all the goods, helping everybody in needs then i will be mad.

   
   

   Am not saint, all light but also dark, the shadow. A sensible balanced approach in life is more appropriate than being at the extremes. As much as I might be tempted to help or not to help it is not a compulsory or possible to do the right or good in every situations.

   Right and wrong , good and evil are man made when fundamentally there is nothing of such.

   Isn't everything comes from the god, the source, the intricate order the Tao?

   
   

   In Yin, there is dark, negative and passive female energy but not evil or wrong. The Yin is mutually dependent on Yang and vice versa and can transcends into each others in harmony.

   
   

This is the 67th entry for this blog, my baby is growing well.

If 2 months ago you telling me i be writing a blog, I will simply give you double side eyes or death stares as my honest response.

I cannot believe that I enjoy doing it a lots , again everything is very me very personal to me.

Most accompanying pictures were taken with my old phone and those animal helped me so much in this journey,started with mother pigeon who came to visit me one evening.

Of course this is not possible without god will which i forever treasure and mention again and again endlessly.

From somebody who was ridden by procrastination, leaving everything till the very last minute or not done at all to a very dedicated creative and fun person.

The ideas usually come spontaneously at random times. I will start writing right away whatever flows in my mind and over time i improvise/ revisit them as my understanding and clarity on particular subject gets better.

To myself, because you feeling a bit off this evening,

We love you and we are so proud of you

Dont be hard on yourself.

The imperfections make us special.

Get it over and tomorrow start fresh again.

Am amazing.

All pictures were taken a day after this entry writtten, I woke up feeling good and took some lovely pictures too.

Forget yesterday, be in the now and keep those positive affirmations going.